One year. Life is Beautiful.

One year ago today I sat in a quiet hospice room with my family and said goodbye to my mama. I remember walking out of the building to meet with the funeral home director feeling rather numb and dumbfounded by the gravity of what I had just experienced. I remember becoming engrossed in making decisions for the memorial service and feeling rather comforted that my dad, sister and I had something to focus on for a while. The food, the flowers, where to send donations in lieu of flowers, the obituary: all of these distracting us from the deep sense of loss we felt lurking at the very core of our souls. The months to come would prove the hardest. What do you do when you lose someone that close to you? I wanted to curl up and hide. Or sleep. Or both. Having children didn't make this possible in the least. I am thankful for that. I am also thankful for the precious friends who have loved me so well, been intentional about asking questions and allowing me to be vulnerable. And showering grace on me when I fell. Often.

Another friend lost her mom about a year before me. Her name is Katherine. And she is precious. She has pursued me and loved me as if we knew eachother for years. I don't think we had said more than 10 words to eachother before my mom died. Isn't that amazing how God provides support through the body of Christ? I was so touched by a picture framed in her house. Simply a photo of her little girl wearing the biggest smile ever and printed underneath was a date. I didn't have to ask the date. It was the one year anniversary of her mom's death. Katherine said these words and it has stuck with me: "I took that picture and hung it up because I wanted to be reminded that a year later there is joy and life and Christ is faithful."

Here is one of my pictures to remind myself the same thing. May it be as an altar, signifying what the Lord has done in a year. a year riddled with doubt, fear, anxiety, sadness, deep sadness, anger, depression and finally JOY. Thank you God that life is full of hope and love. Thank you that the reality of death is not something I fear, rather it is a promise of better things to come. Thank you that I cling to your promises and not the pessimissm of the world. Oh that we would have a taste of the banqueting table to come and be encouraged. And oh that we would live our lives poured out as a sacrifice and as manna to an unbelieving world.

"But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and that he will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, without my body I will see God. I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!" Job 19:25-27