Not a good morning.

Why does God love me so? I am a weak, filthy, sad little person who has the self-control of a two year old and the faith of an atheist at times. This morning I woke up after having a bad dream, which unfortunately happens quite a bit, and have battled to find perspective. The kids are with Joel's parents for the entire week. I am free to do whatever "the flip" I want as Julie so eloquently put it. And I find myself struggling with those old demons. It is good to have the time to slow down and dig into those deep places of hurt, but I am realizing something very important. As I am slogging through my junk this morning God is beckoning me toward a place of utter submission and death to self. Blah. Who wants to die to self? What an impossible act. And all in light of the truth that He truly adores me. Blah. I am so unworthy. Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy and love. Help me to carry my cross. Help me to stay untangled from the things that would seek to steal my life. I want to be faithful but have no power on my own. Fill me with your Holy Spirit because I am worthless without your very breath in my soul. I am my Beloved's damnit. I am. That says an awful lot about our God. If He lets a wretch like me in the family, He is pretty merciful.